You are My Sunshine
by KodiakWolfe13
Summary: Catherine taught her son to sing. He carries this throughout his life. (One-shot.)(Cross-posted on Wattpad.)


**Disclaimer: I'll let you guys know if I ever get rights to any of this, ok?**

* * *

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine~. You make me happy when skies are gray~."

The voice drifted through the small apartment, cutting acutely through the cracks of thunder and the roar of pouring rain. The lightbulb in the two figure's cheap, plastic lantern flickered and casted shadows, but the calm gentleness of the voice smoothed the sharp edges of the dark, dancing silhouettes. Despite the dreary cold of the apartment, the singer was able to bring about the smallest traces of happiness to the woman's small companion.

Jason smiled in sleepy blissfulness as he listened to his mother's voice above the roar of the thunderstorm that had scared him so. Catherine's fingers were brushing through his ebony locks, soft and gentle in a way that was unaccomplished by any other person on the world, to Jason's limited knowledge. The shadows that danced on Catherine's face made her seem much more beautiful and mysterious than Jason already believed she was. And how could Jason forget her lovely voice with which she sung to him? It didn't sound like the people on the radio, and maybe that was why the neighbors complained sometimes, saying she was 'off-pitch,' 'talentless,' and 'have you ever heard of keeping a beat?'

Jason didn't understand these terms. He didn't understand why everyone hated his mother's singing but him. The boy couldn't think of another singer who sounded more beautiful than she, and that's why Jason believed he would never understand his neighbors' complaints, no matter how much older and wiser he got. Fortunately for Jason, none of the neighbors' complaining ever deterred his mother, allowing him to hear her voice again and again.

Catherine was singing that one song again that she liked so much. Jason hardly ever heard any other song sung, but he didn't mind so much. He liked the song too, even if he didn't understand the words. The young boy was slowly learning to sing along, which overjoyed his mother, but he could never seem to remember anything past the first four lines. Jason would always stumble and pause on the fifth line and every line following, something that never ceased to make Catherine laugh. It always made Jason feel accomplished when he could draw forth the sound from his mother's mouth. It didn't seem like she laughed enough.

A small breeze swept through the small apartment from a draft that had yet to be fixed. It had Jason shivering under his and his mother's blankets. The boy snuggled deep into their bare, hard mattress and further into her mother's arms as she held him to her. Jason didn't notice as Catherine frowned, tucking the blankets closer around her small son, hugging him the slightest bit tighter to her as her voice continued to carry over the sounds of the thunderstorm in hopes of bringing some peace. Unbeknownst to the woman, however, the boy was right at home within her secure arms. The only thing that worried him anymore was the thought of his mother giving herself another shot full of her 'special medicine.' She was never the same when she took it, and Jason wished Catherine would stop taking the 'medicine.' For now, though, he was content with her here beside him, singing her favorite song.

Jason shifted in Catherine's arms, adjusting himself so he could look up at her as she looked down at him curiously. Catherine smiled as Jason did the same, his voice joining hers as they sang and waited for the powerful storm to pass.

"You'll never know, dear, how much I love you~. Please don't take my sunshine away…"

* * *

"…the other night, dear, as I lay sleeping, I dreamt I held you in my arms~."

Years after the hectic but peaceful night with his mother, Jason was struck with the familiarity of his situation. However, the differences between one of his most beloved memories and the present were shouting at him, drowning out whatever warmth he would've felt otherwise.

The lightning was going hard that night, acting more like strobe-lights than a force of nature, in Jason's opinion. The thunder faded in and out, sounding distant, despite the flashes of light that seemed right outside Jason's window. The light from the lantern was out, and Jason had run out of batteries, leaving he and his mother stranded in the dark of their bleak apartment, their only light from coming Mother Nature herself. The darkness didn't bother Jason, but it did prove to be a nuisance when he thought about doing something but decided against it due to his predicament.

With a frown pulled firmly onto the preteen's lips, Jason rested the side of his cheek against the top of Catherine's head. The mother was out cold and unaware of the storm and the cold circling around her and her son. The boy tried all he could to keep him and his mother warm through the night with their limited resources, but Jason was unsure of his efforts. Catherine was oddly still against his chest, even though he was shaking like a leaf, despite the thick blanket he'd nabbed earlier in the day wrapped firmly around their shoulders. Catherine's stillness worried Jason, but he didn't know what to do except hold her to him in the same way she'd done to him all those years ago.

Catherine had been using more often. Jason hadn't seen her not high for a long time. He wished he had appreciated her coherent presence more when he was younger, when she hadn't been using so much. He missed everything about her, but Jason mostly missed her singing.

Now that he was older, the boy understood what it meant to not carry a beat, to be off-key, to be off-pitch, to be off-everything. Jason understood why the pop singers on the radio sounded so much different than his mother. Yet, Catherine's singing remained lovelier than any other voice Jason had ever heard. Unlike pop artists, Catherine's voice was _real_. When Catherine sang, there was no auto-tune to correct her faults, and there were no backup singers to support her voice through the song. She was simply Catherine, singing because it had been a particularly good day.

With that realization, Jason did his best to be as real as she. He sang the first song he had ever known when he was down and when he was happy, on good days and bad alike, for they were just as real as he. His life was no sitcom with laughing tracks and bright colors and stereotypes and clichés. It was simply a day by day trial to get through and conquer, which was something everyone in reality could appreciate. Sometimes you were blessed with good homes and decent wages. Other times, well… Not so much.

The lightning flashed. The thunder rolled. Jason continued to sing his mother's favorite song, weakly hoping his mother might hear and join him as he had done all those years ago.

"When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken~. So I bowed my head and I cried~…"

* * *

"…I'll always love you and make you happy, if you will only say the same~."

It was not long after Jason held Catherine through the long, cold night that he came home one day and found that she had overdosed. Never in his life had he sung so much, all in hopes that the woman would awake and sing with him. However, Jason's efforts were all for not.

Life went on, though. Kids lost their parents each day, some much more shockingly than Jason's. The boy was not allowed to mourn long before he was back on the streets, searching for ways to support himself. It was easier than before; there was only mouth to feed now. However, this thought frequently upset Jason, and he ached to have to work harder again to get by. Eventually, though, everything just became numb. Jason didn't know if this was better or worse than hurting.

Jason became really good at stealing car parts, his way of earning money to buy necessities. He was especially good at jacking tires. Jason was so good that he was able to snag some very sophisticated tires from one very sophisticated Batmobile. And he sure as hell would've gotten away with it too, you know, if it weren't for the fact that Batman showed up as Jason got back from dropping one of the tires at the apartment he was squatting in…

The week or two that followed was quite the blur. Years later, Jason would still find the entire thing to be surreal and fairytale-like. The only thing that mattered was that, soon enough, Jason was having the time of his life as he trained to become the next Boy Wonder: Robin.

Once again, Jason found himself unable to keep from singing. Never in his life had he been so happy; never in his life had the sorrowful song seemed out of place until now. However, it couldn't keep him from repeating it again and again whenever he was alone, no ears to hear him in all of the world. Or, at least, he thought no one heard him, until his new mentor, Bruce Wayne aka the Batman, commented one day that he had a wonderful singing voice while the family butler, Alfred, nodded his agreement off to the side. Jason deemed that one morning the most embarrassing moment of his life. Nothing would be able to trump it for as long as he lived.

There was a bright side to that morning, though. Jason wasn't as secretive with his little hobby after that awkward conversation, though he still couldn't bring himself to sing whenever anyone was in his near vicinity. That didn't mean no one heard it, though. Bruce and Alfred always made it a point to comment that they liked his voice, even if it cracked sometimes or hit the wrong notes. Their listening had Jason worried that they'd ask questions- why always the one song? Where did the habit come from? -but they never did. Jason was grateful.

Jason sang for years under Bruce's care, doing so on days he got good marks in school- a rare occurrence, unless it was literature -or whenever Bruce managed to push his buttons just the right way. Jason sang on days he missed his mother, and he sang when he his friends and family managed to surprise him. He sang right up to the day the Joker beat the shit out of him and left him with nothing but a horrible stand-in for Catherine named Sheila, a ticking bomb, and a dying hope that Bruce would show up to save him.

"But if you leave me and love another, you'll regret it all someday~…"

* * *

"…you told me once, dear, you really loved me. And no one else could come between~."

For a long time, there was nothing. Or, at least, Jason believed there was nothing. If there had been Heaven or Hell or even Purgatory, he didn't remember it. All his memories proceeding after the timer hit zero- if there were any memories at all -had been wiped clean. He had simply gone to sleep, fallen unconscious, been knocked out, _something_ , and then he was awake again. However, the realization that he hadn't died- he couldn't have died; he was living and breathing like normal -wasn't very comforting when one was condemned to awaken inside a coffin.

It took a long time, but Jason eventually managed to crawl from the grave he'd been so thoughtfully placed inside of. However, by the time he had reached the surface, Jason's memories- the ones he had first believed were engraved in stone in his consciousness -were starting to disappear. The aches and pains nestled deep in his bones were overriding everything but his will to survive. Thus, Jason trudged into the distance, a weak hope of Bruce finding him flitting warily about in his brain and a headstone with his name on it fading away in the rain behind him.

Jason walked for miles. Soon enough, his brain was wiped squeaky clean, and though it was Bruce's name that fell from Jason's mouth, the only meaningful thing that remained in his head was a cracking, off-tune voice singing a solemn song.

This song played again and again inside of Jason's mind, repeating an uncountable amount of times. It followed him to every unfamiliar place he visited, always filled with unfamiliar people Jason barely realized were there. Even when everything was black, the voice sung to him, and Jason wished he was capable of opening his mouth to sing with the lovely voice. However, he was incapable.

Or, at least, he was incapable until his world flashed green and his memories came back, plowing into him like a bulldozer.

The events following were fast, and much of it quickly became a blur. Through the haze, however, there were facts that remained crystal clear, despite the boy's constant wishing them away.

Jason had died. Joker had killed him, and he was still alive, years later. Bruce hadn't bothered to avenge Jason.

With these realizations, a goal quickly formed, a mission that needed to be fulfilled. Jason had to make sure Joker paid for his crimes, like the psycho clown should have a long time ago. It was a goal Jason not only kept for himself, but for every person who lost their life or lost a loved one to the madman's sick, sadistic games.

Jason forgot about his mother's favorite song, focused on his mission and his goal. He traveled abroad, learning everything he thought would be helpful in his mission to end the Joker. The ultimate goal he harbored deep within his brain was the forefront of his mind whenever he went to sleep, and it was at the forefront of his mind whenever he awoke. For a long time, there was nothing _but_ the goal, and what little remnants there was of street-rat Jason Todd slipped away like sand in an hourglass, and Jason was completely unaware of the change.

However, this mindset couldn't stay forever. It had to break and splinter sometime. That time for Jason was when Talia told him about the new Robin, Timothy Drake. In that instant, Talia was replaced with the image of Jason's mother as she held her son tightly during the storm, singing to him a warning with her terrible but beautiful voice.

"But now you've left me to love another~. You have shattered all of my dreams~…"

* * *

"…in all my dreams, dear, you seem to leave me~. When I awake, my poor heart pains~."

This…this was not supposed to happen. The plan was supposed to be perfect. How could it have screwed up as miserably as it had?

Jason was tired, and he was sad. He didn't know what to do anymore; he hadn't planned this far ahead. The man had deceived himself into believing everything would work out in the end, that everything would suddenly seem easy. However, it had all just become so much more complicated, and Jason was at a loss of what to do. There he remained, caught up in the smoldering ashes of his plan as it burned to the ground, and there was no escape from it anywhere in sight.

Bruce had gone and saved the Joker again. It didn't matter that Bruce knew Joker should be nothing more than a smear in the ground. Nope, it didn't matter at all. There were moral codes and such to uphold. He hadn't even given Jason a chance to send the Joker skipping along to hell before Bruce had gone and thrown a bat-a-rang in Jason's throat to stop him. The man couldn't have his resurrected ward killing off his hobby, now could he?

The resurrected ward in question sighed deeply as he sat on the edge of his mattress, one hand resting on top of the bandages wrapped firmly around his neck. It was two in the morning, and Jason should've been sleeping the rough day off, but the man was restless. By morning time, this would be just another sleepless night to add to the list.

Jason should've taken some of the those sleeping pills he had snatched awhile back in hopes of getting enough sleep before the 'big night.' However, Jason couldn't bring himself to get up and go get the bottle sitting silently on the other side of the room.

There was a gun in Jason's hands. If anyone was around, they might've gotten nervous at his despaired expression as he stared the weapon down. However, the only thought running through the man's head was, "What am I going to do now?"

The question was contemplated for a long time. There didn't seem to be anything Jason could do. The answers refused to come, and this frustrated Jason to no end. It quickly became obvious there was no answer to his struggle, and the agitated man shot up from his spot on the side of his bed, pacing the length of his room as he tried to squash the insatiable despair and rage he felt from deep within his bones.

The resurrected man's footfalls were loud and booming against the bare apartment. They sounded lonely, and this realization had Jason erupting into intense longing. He wished Bruce was there, the man with all the answers, but that wouldn't ever happen. Jason had gone and screwed up- yet again -and this time there was no fixing what was broken. Jason's only hope of redemption was to make Bruce hurt the way Jason hurt, so the man could finally understand what it was that his wayward ward was trying to tell him.

The last time Jason sang was before he had died. His voice had refused to repeat his mother's song in all the years he'd come back to the land of the living. However, tonight, the man's broken voice whispered the words quietly as he crawled into bed, pulling the covers over him in a vain attempt at comfort.

"So when you come back and make me happy, I'll forgive you, dear~. I'll take all the blame~…"

* * *

"…you are my sunshine, my only sunshine~. You make me happy when skies are grey~."

It was another day. The birds were chirping cheerily outside and for once, the sun was shining in Gotham City- a rare occurrence. Instead of enjoying the weather, however, Jason was inside, cleaning his guns after another attempt at his new mission: hurting Bruce. There was a frown settled firmly on his face, but that wasn't uncommon for the man. After years of repeatedly failing at one mission or another, the frown was quickly becoming Jason's default expression. It was a rather sad fact, but then, he couldn't find anything to be happy for. So why should he smile, other than to placate the people around him so no one asked uncomfortable questions?

The handgun in Jason's hands was gleaming, pristine and clean. The only thing marring its perfect exterior were the scratches it had from years of use in waging war against crime. Jason set it down gently and picked up the next weapon, not realizing that he had already cleaned it just a half hour prior. His mind was elsewhere, and the task he had assigned himself was inadequate at keeping him focused on the present.

Hate was becoming a costly emotion to keep, Jason was beginning to realize. It was draining in every way possible, and it was horrible that he was only now realizing such a thing. How had he not noticed how tired he had been over the years? How had he not noticed that the anger was really just sorrow in disguise? How did he not realize how hopeless he and his goals were? The goals and the hate... It all seemed so meaningless now…

Bruce still didn't understand, and it was becoming obvious that he never would, not the way Jason wanted him to, anyway. Jason was starting to wonder if he even really wanted the man to learn what it was like anymore. It just felt wrong to wish all that pain and loss onto a man built from nothing _but_ pain and loss, and the wayward Bat wondered why he hadn't realized this feeling inside of him before. Had he really been that desperate?

Not only that, but Tim the third Boy Wonder had been replaced not too long ago by some new kid claiming to be Bruce's biological son. The replacement had gone and been replaced, just like the second Robin. Sure, Tim had gone and taken _another_ one of Jason's mantles- was the kid creative _at all?_ -but it, more or less, killed off another object of Jason's resentment. After all, how could he hate the kid that replaced him when the kid understood the pain of having a beloved title given to another? It was stupid to keep holding onto that, especially after so many years of clinging, so Jason finally had let it go. However, now he was left grappling for reasons to continue doing what it was that he did.

In reality, there were no more reasons to continue trying to hurt Bruce. The past was done. There was no changing anything. People moved on, leaving Jason all alone, yet again. But Jason was tired of being alone. He wanted to catch up. However, there was a problem with that too.

The past may be gone, but that didn't mean people forgot. There was no way Jason could ever go home, not after what he had done, not even if he were to give up his less than stellar ways of dealing with the scum of the earth. Not for the first time and undoubtedly not the last, Jason had gone and screwed up. So even if he were to move past and move on, it's not like Jason would get anything out of it.

The handgun clanked as it was set down on the coffee table. Jason looked at the clean arsenal before him, but his eyes were far away, lost in a simpler time when things weren't so blown to hell. He remembered the sound of his young, mischievous laugh, and a deeper, more masculine chuckle echoing his. He remembered a song his mother taught him, which he carried with him no matter where he went. Jason remembered being happy with people who loved him, and he was sad to know that he might never find such a beautiful thing again.

Jason leaned back against the couch. His head hit the back, and his eyes closed. The man's down-turned lips moved to the familiar song his mother had loved so, and his voice cracked as he pushed it forth from his chest.

"You'll never know, dear, how much I love you~. Please don't take my sunshine away…"

* * *

 **(Still really hesitant about posting this, but Kinzy says it's good, and I trust her judgement way more than I trust my own so~...) When I first thought this up, I thought the song was a stupid kid one from my childhood. Then I go and look up the lyrics and find out everyone in existence has done a rendition of it sometime in their musical career Like, _holy crap_. Thus, I did this with lots of Johnny Cash lyrics with a The Civil Wars formatting sort of thing... **

**And if anyone could tell me why I've been writing an abnormal amount of Jason-angsty crap lately, that'd be wonderful. Thanks.**


End file.
